Care Work with Melissandre Varin

Thinking about the ways that we formed ideas about our bodies and who had influence, especially in relation to our identities, is always a headfuck. Doing this project has been a reminder of this so I wanted to try to include an action that felt more nourishing, gentle and caring than my other research.

I asked a new friend, Melissandre Varin, who I had met through an online performance workshop, if they would have a conversation with me about these body topics. I had attended Mel’s artist talk and I find the way that Mel speaks about bodies and their own personal experiences to be very candidly honest and at the same time generous and kind.

A white background with black braided hair of different thicknesses overlaid and layered over each other. — Image from Melissandre’s Installation Work

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Break Time… in resistance of professional hyperability

I’m a professional video artist and my favourite videogame is Diablo.

I have really enjoyed occupying this digital studio space and having a dedicated period of time working on a single project. The support from vital Capacities and Film London has been amazing and I am excited to develop all of my research and tests into something to present as part of the exhibition later this month.

I am battling my own internal ableist voices which are telling me that I could have done MORE, posted more, worked more.. I have been resisting the urge to be professionally hyperable.. (yuck). And in many ways I have failed because I am exhausted.

So now it’s breaktime! If anyone needs me I’ll be in a static caravan on the Yorkshire coast for the week and you can speak to my out-of-office autoresponse until then.

It’s coming home?

BTS of me and Hang Linton recording The Champs

A little BTS of the recording of the Champs cover we did a couple weeks ago. A treat to celebrate England getting to the finals tonight! Enjoy the game!

video description: Hang Linton sits in a home music studio with dark grey soundproofing foam on the white walls and white and yellow speakers in the background, wearing black headphones, a white tshirt and black twists in his hair. In the background is a wide but small window with cream curtains, it looks sunny outside. On the window sill there is a gold lucky waving cat. Hang sings with a twisted pained look on his face, sweating from the heat, the camera zooming into his face.

Fandom

Two people stood outside of a large footy stadium shot slightly from below so that the stadium looms over them like an ominous space ship. It's shadowy in front of a cloudy sky. The two people are brightly lit and gaze upwards, both visible from the waist up. The person on the left has a black bob haircut and they are wearing a green and red footy shirt. The person on the right has short brown hair and head band across their forehead and a blue footy shirt with white details. They both have their hands in their pockets, they look slightly pensive like they have seen something in the sky that is about fall down in front of them. — GAA MAAD Theatre Work by Aine O’Hara and Vickey Curtis

I recently discovered Aine O’Hara’s work online. Their theatre piece pictured above, GAA MAAD, is all about being a queer footy fan in Ireland and the rejection and abuse that comes with that.

I’m really interested in fandom, the way we attach ourselves to specific teams, players, fighters etc but I especially love the way crowds move and ripple and thrash about together. It was strange and surreal to see a mass of static cardboard cutouts or screens of fans at home during the pandemic, as well as the fake crowd noise.

A sea of footy fans, almost all of them have their arms raised up and almost all of them are wearing red and white footy outfits. Many have large England flags which are a white rectangle with a red cross which they have added their hometown names, their own names or their own slogans to such as 'Tommo', 'Bollocks' and 'Redhill', which they have hung off the edge of the stands. — England fans in Germany in 2006

I also like it when they do close ups on the telly of disappointed and sad fans when their team is losing, even better if they are really dressed up for the occasion with face paint, a comedy hat and a flag wrapped around them, decorating their downturned face.

Football fans in blue and yellow sat in the stands of the stadium. Central is someone in a full body blue and yellow morph suit with a flag wrapped around their neck with their head in the hands, all the fans around them look sad and fed up too/

Three football fans all dressed in orange with spiky orange, blue and white hats on with 'Holland' written on them, orange sunglasses on their heads and orange bracelets and lipsticks, leaning on a blue pole at the edge of the stand in the stadium looking sad and fed up.

Body Work, Breakdowns and Burn Out: in resistance of Hyperability

A grey background with a 3d diagram of a silver car body. Over the top is the title 'CAR BODY CONSTRUCTION' in red text. Around the diagram are the names of the different car body parts with black lines pointing to their corresponding section, these include 'roof panel', 'panel trunk', 'centre pillar' and 'scuttle base'.

Getting towards the end of this residency and my body feels close to a burn out. Working while your six month old wakes you up every hour during the night like a sleep torture program has been.. hard. My insides are starting to jolt and shudder.

I have been considering the way we describe the shell of an automobile as a ‘body’, an external casing which holds in all of the car or lorry’s guts. There are auto body repair shops for when you damage your body or car and truck body builders for when you want an upgrade.

Researching this also led me to a strange trend of body builders (the weight lifting type) posing with their cars and this amazingly comical article to help body builders choose the best car for them which says ..

‘As bodybuilders, you cannot survive without a car. A good and big car will not only look proportional to you but will also serve your needs adequately.’

A large white expensive car stands in what looks like a slightly mountainous desert. On the bonnet lies someone in a bikini and heels with an expressionless face — via guagemagazine

And of course there is the ‘sports car’.

These automobile bodies can be symbols of wealth, power, authority, capitalism, work, burn out or protest. During times of social unrest and resistance, the news and media is often littered with images and videos of burning cars (ACAB). When our physical bodies become exhausted by the pressures of capitalism and the inequalities of structural oppression, we also burn out and break down.

three British police vans parked in a narrow street at night. They are parked at angles and not in a straight line. The left van is on fire which is bursting out of the front window and sides. The bonnet is covered in graffiti which says 'kill' and 'ACAB'. Smoke is billowing and filling the top part of the image, it is glowing orange and red from the fire and blue from the van's lights. The vans in the middle and on the right are not on fire. Their headlights and blue emergency lights are on. A silhouette figure of a person is visible in the foreground on the right from behind. — police vans burning at a Bristol ‘kill the bill’ protest earlier this year via theguardian

I like to think of myself as a monster truck; big, slow, colourful and garish, with very little functional use other than for fun.. a performative body that rests a lot and comes out bouncing and blazing for a show every so often when I feel like it, only to inevitably and predictably crash and burn at the end.

A pink and cream ice cream monster truck with large oversized wheels and a big soft white whip on top with a cherry.

HUGE

I’ve been researching bodybuilder poses, the reasons for them and the way they accentuate the muscle definition. Scrolling through Google images at these magazine covers, there are obvious themes that arise. The women are very rarely as muscly as the men, they are often used as props to the central male figure or they are overtly feminised and sexualised in bikinis with big flowing hair. I couldn’t find any magazine covers with any variation of this apart from Renee Campbell, a bodybuilder who is trying to challenge the standard look. There weren’t any covers of her but the photos from an article on CNN definitely had a different energy and aesthetic.

The positions range from intimidating to comical, one of my favourites is the one where they look like they’re pushing an invisible shopping trolley. When I look at a lot of these images and bodies all at once, shiny, bulging, smiling, angry, tanned, flexed bodies, it starts to make me feel weird, they remind me of rotisserie chickens just spinning on repeat. But they are also somehow very fascinating and impressive.

The limitations of mobility that pushing your body to this size causes makes me wonder if they are really hyperable or if they are just a visual symbol of hyperability.

Renee Campbell via CNN

Essential Energy Bingo: Roasting my childhood danceschool

A grid of bingo about my childhood danceschool. At the top is a white text box that says 'Essential Energy Bingo!' In the middle of the grid is a tile that says 'EE Family with a purple heart emoji'. At the bottom is a text box to fill in your name which is blank. The background is a sickly pink plaid pattern. The grid has the following options to circle:
- Old enough to have trained in the old studio: Taken an IDTA exam, Had your costume fitted by Joanie, Been to a presentation evening, Had a family member chaperone, Been taught by Dawn, Megan and Alex, Remember the old tap floor! Reworn a costume for fancy dress, Designed your own costume!! Had a mic on during the show, Had a really wuick change! Had a parent in the show, Been to Musical Theatre, Been in the 'Barkind Badger', Sat out because of an injury, Had Laura for tap, Bought a show DVD, Injured yourself at dance, Forgot an examiners name, Cried after a show! Had more than one pair of pom poms, Been in the second half, Had your hair done before an exam, Had a costume disaster after a quick change.

I think the closest I ever got to athleticism was attending the local dance school, Essential Energy, as a child and young teenager. I refused to do P.E at school because I hated doing hockey and netball in the freezing cold, but I spent an untold amount of hours at this tiny dance hall on an industrial estate in the Midlands.

Recently my sister sent me this bingo that a former student had made about the school that they had posted on Facebook. We couldn’t help but coming up with our own version because it was such a toxic place to be as a child learning about your body… so here it is, Essential Energy Bingo.. The Real Version (made in collab with my sister who would like to stay anonymous lol):

A grid of bingo about my childhood danceschool. At the top is a white text box that says 'Essential Energy Bingo!' In the middle of the grid is a tile that says 'EE Family with a purple heart emoji'. At the bottom is a text box to fill in your name which I have filled in with my name, Lulika. The background is a sickly pink plaid pattern. The grid has the following options to circle: Old enough to have trained in the old studio! Ridiculed by the school owner for not being able to afford all of the exams, Watched the school owner do her signature sexy solo routine in lingerie at the end of every school presentation show, cringed at all the popular kid's parents in the adult dance classes, Became aware of the rife ED culture in older students and teachers, Threatened with being held back if you didn't find a way to pay for the exams, Reworn a costume for fancy dress, Been required to bring ridiculous props to class with you.. bucket and mop anyone? Put at the back because you were struggling with the routine in the show, Had a really quick change! Made to sit outside on the floor of an industrial estate for hours during show rehearsals, Saw parents arguing with the owner, Heard rumours about the parents in the adult classes 'wife swapping' and falling out about it, Sat out because of an injury, Bullied by one of the popular girls, Forced to go to 'limbering' classes when you hit puberty where you got said injury, Injured yourself at dance, You still have the injury as an adult, Cried after class, Told your body was too undeveloped to be in the sexy second half of the show, Been in the second half, Told your hair was too messy for an exam, Had inappropriate comments made about your body.

Body Builder Vol II – Costume

With a mid noughties, year 9, gelled up hair style and matrix like glasses, we are getting roared at by a man in a muscle suit and tight leather trousers. His hands are clenched in fists at waist height, knuckles facing each other so the bulging suit and rounded arms create a strange ring of meat.

I have been working with fashion designer, Max Allen, to literally build a body. You can see the final product in my studio. I am going to use this costume for a choreographic film experiment, superimposing this performative figure onto my own physical body. Here is some of our inspo:

Like a super hero, fists on waist and chest puffed out, stands Big Daddy. Thick thighs shoot from calf high black boots. A white leotard has Big Daddy written in block capitals. They are wearing a union jack crop top that is split down the middle, exposing the deep circular neck of the leotard. Big Daddy has an emotionless face, rather large and shiny chin while sporting icy white hair.

On top of a green background is a person in a red hoodie and white bib. We can only see their chest, no hands, no head. They are wearing a white bib which saying 'Doping Control' in bold, black all caps.

A comic book image. On top of a glowing red background, we are shown the transformation process of Jennifer Walters into She-Hulk. From grey to green, busting and shredding from her normal clothes, She-Hulk dominates the image with her wide stance, big hair, big muscles, big tits and tiny white and blue leotard.

A person with long dark hair and black socks stands there with a wide grin and one fist raised like they're about to pump it in a 'YES' type celebration. This person is wearing a comically large inflatable muscle suit with beige skin, dark brown muscle contours and a red bikini.

Macho Man Randy Savage in all his might, standing on stage beneath a spotlight. Wearing a yellow cowboy hat covered in red stars with a big sparkly 'M' on the front, he is wearing 80's shutter shades, has long brunette hair and a big fluffy beard. Randy stands legs wide and arms flexed to create the shape of a very thick pitchfork. He is wearing a black jumpsuit covered in tassels. One half red, the other half yellow. Randy also has tassels tied around his arms to emphasise his already bulging biceps.

A yellow cycling jersey with red shoulder sections. White, red and blue sponsorship logos litter the jersey to a landfill like state.

A bright and colourful, candy bar like, collection of football scarves from across the world. They run vertically up the image with all text turned 90 degrees clockwise also.

Home Help

A venn diagram of two interlinking black line circles. On the right is the text 'Sports and Fitness \People' and two semi transparant images, one of a very muscly man shown topless from the abs upwards holding a gun shaped massager with the end ball on his chest emitting vibrating rays. Just to his right is a woman in sports wear with a blonde ponytail, holding the same massager with the ball on her shoulder, she has her eyes closed and she is smiling. In the left section it says 'People with chronic pain' with two images, one is of a woman from the behind angle and from the shoulders up, she has her hair in a bun and she is smiling and holding a large arched stick onto her shoulder. The image is black and white and the point on her back where the massager stick is touching is a red glowing patch. Above is an image of someone lying down shown from the chest upwards, they have an inflatable looking neck brace type apparatus around their neck, their eyes are closed and in the background their are some skeleton bones. In the middle section it says 'body massager machines' and there is an image of a a blue glowing graphic person from behind, hunched over with their spine visible and glowing yellow, in the foreground there is a back massager that looks like a black cushioned tray, there is a spine flopped over it glowing purple. There is a small black lemon shaped pump floating to the left of the massager. — A venn diagram I made

I am really interested in the aesthetic, performative and sculptural qualities of at-home health, care and wellness apparatus. I have used some in the past within installations and performance costumes. The vast array available symbolises a huge deficit in the care we receive from conventional Western health care systems. Many people seek out different types of at-home remedies due to a lack of access to a diagnosis and the required treatments, usually as a result of the structural ableism, racism, classism and fatphobia that is rampant within our healthcare institutions.

I noticed recently that one of these items, at-home self massaging devices, have become appealing to another group. I have always known them in the context of people with chronic pain but I recently saw adverts containing sports personalities endorsing them for pain related to sporting activities.

I find the way these items are advertised often very creepy and unsettling. They are usually demonstrated by perfectly polished and glowing, mannequin-like or cyborg-esque, smiling slim white women. I don’t think anyone really looks like this when they are reaching in desperation and pain for their neck hammock or ice pack hat, I definitely don’t.

A person with a purple padded hat or cap that covers the entire head and comes down over the eyes and to the end of the nose. They are smiling with their head tilted upwards with blonde straight hair sticking out the top of the cap.

A smiling person with brown hair tied up in a ponytail and a white vest top on. They are smiling with eyes closed looking content. They are visible from the chest upwards with their back against a door and a black hammock or sling under their head attached to a black strap which goes up to the top of the door with another strap hanging down being held in the hand by the person using the apparatus. A small circle of another image is in the top left showing the other side of the door with the end of the strap attached to a black ball.

Two older people sat at a table facing each other visible from the waist up, they are smiling and looking happy. In the foreground on the table is a round disc like piece of equipment. It's black with a golden spine glowing centrally and wavy blue lines around it as well as 3 buttons either side on both sides.

A thick purple pink belt with small white spiky discs attached to it.

A person lying down wearing a sky blue and grey padded full body suit with several grey straps on the torso and legs. They have some kind of thick black and white mask over the top half of their face and they are lying on a pink hospital bed which seems to be floating in mid air. There is a plastic tube coming from the center of the torso attached to some kind of white gadget which is on the bed. In the foreground their is another floating white appliance with several grey wires coming out of it. It has a black screen with blue text on it. The sleeves and trousers have no hands or feet coming out of them and the entire image has an eery futuristic quality.

Body Boards

A mood board of many rectangular images that have either been cut from magazines or printed at home on a computer, arranged and put inside a clip frame. They include muscly older people doing a variety of fitness activities including yoga, body building, swimming and running. Many of them are posed with little clothing on to present their physique. The images have been marked with numbers in a black felt pen, these are the ages of the people shown in the pictures which range from 58 to 100 years old. Some of the images contain text, inspirational quotes from the people in the pictures and information about them, which is mostly not big or clear enough to read. Some quotes that are visible say, 'Don't regret growing older. It's a privilege denied to many' and 'Know Limitations. Then Defy Them.'

Growing up, my Mum, like my previously mentioned biological Dad, was also into body building and fitness in general.

For as long as I can remember she has kept mood boards of desirable body types and ideas of what is ‘healthy’ that she aspires to, around the house. These are the current ones which have been sat in her kitchen for the past couple of years which are very age focused. They used to only feature body builders when I was younger but more recently yogis, swimmers and runners have joined her fitness inspo crew as her own interests have diversified.

When I mentioned the body boards in passing to a disabled friend of mine a couple of years ago, they asked me what it was like to be around these images when you’re not physically able to ever attain one of these bodies. I was so used to them being around, posing next to the fridge, gleaming on the wall of whichever corner of the house she’d displayed her weights, that I had never really thought about it. I still don’t really know what I think about it now. I mean, I don’t tend to judge how other people want to decorate their houses or what they do to make themselves feel good.

A mood board of many rectangular images that have either been cut from magazines or printed at home on a computer, arranged and put inside a clip frame. They include muscly older people doing a variety of fitness activities including yoga, body building, swimming and running. Many of them are posed with little clothing on to present their physique. Some of the images contain text, inspirational quotes from the people in the pictures and information about them, which is mostly not big or clear enough to read. Some quotes that are visible say, 'Don't regret growing older. It's a privilege denied to many' and 'Know Limitations. Then Defy Them' and 'Age Does Not Hold You Back'.

I may not be able to attain one of these bodies but my body is pushed to it’s limits in a different way. It’s not by choice and the experience may not appear how you might expect it to. I’m no athlete, training to impress you with a record breaking, gold medal, fastest time, personal best PERFORMANCE. I don’t want to be anyone’s inspiration for managing to get through the day either.

I might start making mood boards of people just lying down, looking really comfortable watching telly and put them up around my house. It’s one of the only physical states I desire. (Which by the way, are very hard images to find because everyone looks stiff and staged). The other physical states I desire are only attainable through different forms of visualisation; alien, jelly creature, plant, cyborg, insect, sea creature, goat, mascot and floating air molecule. This is what I use to escape the pain of my physical form. I keep digital collections of images of these bodies, which I guess is a similar practice to my Mum’s boards.

We all do what we’ve gotta do.

Ing-ger-lund

A selfie I took this morning wearing my England tshirt. The perspective is from eyebrows to stomach. My face is tired and expressionless and my eyes a bit watery because my baby has been waking me every hour during the night for a week. My hair is unsurprisingly messy and unwashed, hanging wavy at shoulder length. I have blue eyes and a small piercing above my top lip. The shirt is white and a cheap almost see through material, the sleeves are capped and my arms are showing slightly with some messy black outline tattoos, a smiling alien on the right and a brain on the left. On the chest of the tshirt it says 'ENGLAND' in red capitalised slim bold letters with silver glitter outline. The lettering is backwards because the phone has mirrored the image. On the left of the lettering is a red rose with a green stalk and leaves. Underneath is some silver glitter lettering in what looks like Japanese letters. I don't think it's a translation of ENgland because I looked it up and it looked different so I have no idea what it says. — My tshirt.. does anyone know what it says underneath?

I found this tshirt for two quid from a shop round the corner from my house. I’m not really into patriotism but I’m feelin pretty underwhelmed by the games I’ve seen so far and I want to try and get into the spirit while watching at home. Let’s hope tonight’s game is a little more exciting!

Just Let Me Bang Bro.. for the love of the UFC, TUF and MMA

There is too much to say about what I love and hate about MMA culture, the UFC and their reality recruitment show, The Ultimate Fighter (TUF), because time is ticking away on this residency.. but I feel like I can try to sum it up briefly with some video examples and I will just say this… What I learned during an intro session at a pro MMA gym (that I got for my partner for their birthday for a lol) is that MMA is not about your gender, size or strength, it’s about how you use your body to protect yourself. In contrast to many other sports, it’s about not pushing your body to it’s limits as much as possible.

Things I like about the UFC: the build up, the creation of the persona (and presented as multidimensional beings (eg. Maurice ‘The Crochet Boss’ Greene), the shit talk, the theatrical walk-outs, Bruce Buffer’s suits, the working class culture of the sport and the social engagement that self-defence gyms bring to low-income communities, the equal reverence for both male and female fights, the tattoos, it’s international reach and the blatant homoerotica.

Things I don’t like about the UFC: Dana White, the lack of diversity in the ‘ring girls’, allowing fighters in the ring who have committed violence outside of it, casual xenophobia and racism, the fighter’s pay not reflecting their contribution and work.

Okay now for the fun part:

A clip from The Ultimate Fighter Show, captions are available

My favourite fighter is Israel ‘the last style bender’ Adesanya for his choreographed walkouts and unique dance-like fighting style as well as his confidence. His desire for hyper ability extends to the superhuman as he has repeatedly asked Marvel to cast him in a superhero movie or create a superhero based on himself. Here is his walkout for his last fight a week ago (there is some flashing imagery in the first 15 seconds of this clip):

Israel ‘The Last Stylebender’ Adesanya, captions are available, there are flashing imagery in the first 15 seconds of the video

Me and my partner casually run an Instagram account dedicated to the tattoo culture of MMA fighters, called inkyfists.MMA. I really like the way that they choose to mark and decorate themselves and I have some tattoos inspired by that too

inkyfists.MMA instagram account

An image of the back of my head and the top of my back, a tattoo which says 'BB X PNK' which is short for baby punk, a performance persona of mine. It is in black old fashioned font and the 'X' is made of bullets. — My BB X PNK back tattoo

It’s coming home… research images

If you head over to my studio, I wrote a review of the Euros opening ceremony. These are a few images which capture the moments that inspired me. I hate mascots that try to look like real people, where is the fun in that..

It's a football stadium, the stall are half full in the background. On the pitch are eight dancers in grey jogers and white tshirts, all stood in a power stance two meters apart from each other, above them floats a large cloud of smoke in red, yellow, green and blue. Poised amongst the smoke is an aerial dancers being raised by a large collection of spherical balls decorated with the patterns and colours of Euro flags, they are being assisted by two people wearing blue holding onto ropes from the ground on the left. — Euros Opening Ceremony Aerial and Socially Distanced Choreography with flag balloons.

A mascot which has been made to look like a human with short brown hair wearing a blue and white Euros hoody, in a staged photo opportunity situation in a studio, hugging the Euros trophy with their right arm and holding a football in their left. Behind them is a blue background with a graphic design of the stadium on it. — FILE PHOTO: UEFA Euro 2020 mascot Skillzy poses with the trophy marking 100 days before the start of the Euro 2020 soccer tournament in St. Petersburg, Russia, March 3, 2021. REUTERS/Anton Vaganov

Ronaldo in a press conference, sat down, mouth slightly open, holding up a unlabeled bottle of water in his right hand, behind is a background covered in small logos. Top right is a circle with an older image of him inside, wearing a tight red nike vest and holding a can of coca cola in front of him and smirking. — Ronaldo at press conference with bottled water

A photo collage of three images, on the left is a close up of some red coca cola cans, overlaid in the middle is a photo of ronaldo wearing a tight red nike vest and black joggers holding a can of coke in front of him and smirking. On the right is a larger image of him wearing the same outfit with the can of coke balancing on his right shoulder as he looks confidently down the camera, his muscles accentuated by the studio lighting and plain white background. — Ronaldo coca cola advert

Euros logo

a virtual performance at the opening of the Euros football league. Performed in a black virtual stadium filled with blue twinkly lights, on a stage are two real human performers, one is a man holding a guitar wearing all black on the left and on the right a man wearing all black playing a piano. Floating above them is the large blue cgi head of Bono, the lead singer of the band u2, he is wearing glasses and his head is made up of small dotty drifting blue and white lights — U2 Opening ceremony virtual performance

The Euros trophy standing proudly and extremely shiny on a clear glass table in front of the empty stadium. The grass is green and the stands are red in the background. — The shiny Euros trophy

another blue cgi image of a large group of people stood in rows in the stadium, their are bright stadium lights shining around them, they are all wearing black trousers and baggy tshirts that have a symbol on them of a heart with a cross inside. They looks like some kind of cult. — Blue CGI people

Tweety Bird

A meme with a black background with transparent red hearts, overlaid is an image of tweety bird, a small cartoon yellow bird from Looney Tunes. They are wearing a red bandana, a white vest, gold necklace and baggy blue jeans with black and white sneakers. Their facial expression and slouched body gives the impression that they are confident. Their left arm is on their hip and their right hand holds up a smoking gun. At the top of the image is bold capitalised shiny text with a white background that says 'OK BOTCH CALL THE COPS'. At the bottom of the image is capitalised fire flame writing that says 'I'LL HAVE SEX WITH THEM'. — Tweety Call the Cops Meme

Tweety Bird, whose gender was intentionally ambiguous in the original Looney Tunes cartoons, is one of the first and only examples of a non-binary character in mainstream media that I really relate to. I even have them tattooed on my arm with the word ‘LADETTE’ (see below).

I love how Tweety’s persona has continued to develop outside of the cartoon narrative in memes, one of my favourite being the one above, although I can’t find the original creator to credit them. Does anyone know?

A close up image of the side of my arm. On it is a medium sized tattoo of Tweety Bird, a cartoon bird from Looney Tunes. It is a black outline tattoo. Tweety is wearing a hoody and large trainers, in their left hand they are holding a tinny and in their right hand a smoking cigarette. They are winking their left eye. Over the top of their hooded head it says 'LADETTE' in old school tattoo style writing. — Tweety Ladette Tattoo

In the cartoon, Tweety survives constant harassment and attacks from Sylvester the cat, all while being a physically small and sometimes unassuming creature, although a crafty and clever side is suggested. Proof that it takes more than hyperable physiques to survive the energy vampires of this world. Looney Tunes played with the ambiguity and fluidity of gender with many of their characters and it was never targeted at a specific gender audience which I think is unusual for a lot of children’s mainstream entertainment.

I made a little Tweety meme myself below using some of the vast collection of images I have of unofficial Tweety costumes.

A meme with a grid presenting nine different unofficial tweety costumes. At the top it says 'which tweety are you today?' and I would describe the costumes as follows:
1. Floating walking tweety with an elongated head and smiley face.
2. A flat faced tweety with a surprised look and hands raised.
3. a box head tweety
4. A squishy faced side eyes tweety.
5. A creepy slightly angry tweety with a comb over.
6. A cute bulbus unassuming tweety looking down like they are a bit embarrassed.
7. an intense but also somehow expressionless tweety waving one hand.
8 a smiley tweety with a long thick neck.
9. a man with a yellow onesie on and the hood is a bulbus slightly angry looking tweety head ontop of his head. He has his hands on his hips. — Tweety Meme

Nurse Stimpy

The Ren and Stimpy Show: Nurse Stimpy Episode

I really love cartoons a lot, especially how malleable bodies and environments are. Sudden and drastic changes can occur in a short space of time which I think is a lot like the experience of being chronically sick. There is a predictable unpredictability about it. The morbid comedy of having a body is captured so well in cartoons. It also offers a world to escape into which doesn’t feel too exhausting to consume on low energy, because it’s fantasy, a playfully cutting reflection of the real world.

I have been totally drawn into this episode of Ren and Stimpy recently which highlights perfectly the ridiculousness of medical care, as well as the importance of caring for carers and the need for interdependent support systems.

You can watch the episode in the embedded video above. It doesn’t have closed captions unfortunately but I found a transcript of the episode here.

I have included some screenshots below that I think are just SO beautiful for their colour palette and the way they illustrate the feelings of being sick, which I so strongly relate to. I love these images so much that I used them as my new website theme and I hope to turn them into memes about the sick experience one day..

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot is a close up of Ren's red nose and pink skin, the nose has a glistening liquid flowing from the right nostril.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we are stood over Ren's bed, his eyes are yellow and bloodshot, with many bags around them and his face is turning greenish with some drips of sweat flowing down from his left eye. Stimpy's white hands are just visible at the edge of the shot as if they are our own, peeling and stuck down blue bedsheet from Ren's face.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see Stimpy on the left wearing a white skirt and a white nurse's cap with a red cross on, they are holding the tube from a blood pressure testing machine, the strap is around Ren's whole body. Ren is sat on a patient

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see the back of Ren's head, his eyes and ears are bloodshot and veiny and red, he has red spots on the crown of his head and he looks sad and fed up.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see Ren's back, he is wearing a backless white hospital style gown with his protruding spine and bum crack showing, he is slumped as though he is fed up and has no energy.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see Ren sat on a metal hospital trolley looking sad with no energy and not fully present, he has a bright metal spotlight lamp over his head shining down on him, in front of him is Stimpy in their white nurse costume with red crosses on smiling and raising a large pointed finger as if they have just the answer to all Ren's problems.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see Ren submerged in a freestanding white roll top bath with blue water and pink bubbles, only his eyes and feet are visible out of the water and he looks a little annoyed. Looking over him is Stimpy looking down on them intensely but also lovingly with their hands clasped and smiling. In the background on the right is Ren's skin hung up on a towel rail.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot we see a pink skinned Ren being held in Stimpy's white hands, half out of the water with his body curled over. Stimpy has a big yellow sponge which he is scrubbing Ren's back with. Ren looks simultaneously relieved and embarrassed.

A screenshot from the cartoon The Ren and Stimpy Show. Ren is a small and hairless chihuahua dog with beige skin, pink eyes and floppy long pink ears. Stimpy is red/orange Manx cat with a white tummy and hands, wth a round blue nose and a pink tongue often hanging out of his mouth. In this screenshot Stimpy is lying in bed with his eyes sagging and his tongue hanging out of his mouth on the left side. He looks frazzled and tired.

Our Prop Mud by Joseph Noonan-Ganley

Around ten rugby players during a game, all covered in mud so that their kits colours are no longer visible. On the right hand side of the image, the beginning of a scrum is occurring with some players bent forward and locking limbs, on the left side players lean towards the scrum, some look as though they are reaching in. It is a mess and tangle of muddy limbs in a field. — Muddy rugby players on a pitch via hartpury.ac.uk

This text was suggested to me by Linda Stupart, who is also currently doing a residency with Vital Capacities at the moment. It’s written by Joseph Noonan-Ganley and it is titled, ‘Our Prop Mud’ and you can read it in full here. It’s about rugby and mud and gay feelings. I could really relate to these contemplations on sports and queerness and the consumption of bodies and their public personas.

Here is an excerpt that I really like,

‘The scene that stopped me was the Cardiff Park Arms rugby match from 1970, transformed by the unrelenting appearance of mud. Ironically, mud allowed me to see clearer. The scene clarified and exposed some of what I was interested in in Gareth Thomas. Mud’s addition messed up rugby’s conventional surface and allowed a view onto the base material composition of the game: people’s bodies in relation. These kinds of political derivatives seem far more generative and uncertain than Gareth Thomas’s recycled admissions of guilt and fault.’

FOUL Vol II

Lulika keeled over on their knees, head in hands, on their living room floor.

I wanted to be in the studio more over the past days but I got hit with a pain and migraine flare up. This usually involves at least three days of me lying in various positions, looking like I’m the slow-motion action replay of a football dive or foul. This image shows where I spent some of Saturday. It was FOUL.

Pissing Contest

An infographic image with a photo of two lobsters in what looks like a white tank with their pincers held shut by red and green rubber bands. They are facing each other. Underneith there is white text on a black background which says, 'Lobsters pee out of their faces. Their bladders are located in their heads and they urinate through nozzles under their antennae. When fighting another lobster, they'll pee in the face of their opponent.' — Lobsters pee out of their faces via reddit.com

As someone who has to catheterise themselves regularly, due to my disability, I’m understandably quite into anything related to piss and urinating. I often use cardboard hospital bedpans in my work and simulate pissing in live performances.

A pissing contest or pissing match, as many probably already know, is an idiom that describes a situation where two or more people are competing with each other to show superiority, usually pointlessly.

I was happy to discover that pissing contests also exist in a literal sense where participants compete to see who can piss the longest, farthest, highest or most accurately. There are even Guinness World Records held in the sport. A woman in Italy is the current world record holder for the farthest piss created a 30 foot golden arch, although I can’t find her name.

Not only that, during combat, lobsters accompany their largest blows with a large squirt of piss out of their faces. Their bladders are located in their heads and they have nozzles under their eyes and antennae, where they release urine to communicate during mating or fighting.

Dunk League

Season 2: Episode 1 of Dunk League. Closed Captions are available on this video.

I’m interested in why some sports are considered posher than others or more worthy of being featured in large sporting events.

I can’t understand why basketball dunking competitions aren’t in the Olympics. Not that I really like, care about or follow the limpics, but I feel strongly that dunking is underrated in comparison to other sports.

Dunking is an impressive and breathtaking combination of long jump, high jump, basketball, gymnastics and choreography. I could watch the high-definition slow-motion replays on Dunk League for hours. I wish they’d make another series.

Oddy-Body

A portrait format edited image and meme. In the background a houseparty is happening, people are dancing, smiling and drinking washed in purple light with green neon twinkly lights dotted around. Central is a poorly cut out image of an unofficial Elmo mascot. It is large, red, furry, saggy and slumped slightly to one side with his eyes gazing up vacantly and his mouth hanging wide open. Over the top is some arched white text with black background which says 'feelin more oddy-body han body-ody'. — Oddy-Body Elmo Mascot Meme by Laura Lulika

A long-term enthusiasm of mine is mascot costumes. I have a collection of images on my laptop and phone of my favourites. I especially like Tweety for reasons I will explain in a later post.

I like mascots because they are a non-athletic and often surreal comedy presence in an atmosphere which is otherwise very focused on sporting physical ability. Their bodies are so jarring and out of place in these arenas of polished flexing muscles. They are often wrinkly, misshapen, oversized and furry. Anonymous. ANONYMOUS. Hiding in plain site. Now there is a sporting body that I can relate to.

They sometimes race each other to raise money for charity and dance to motivate the crowd (especially in the US), but the focus is still on the humour of their costumes and characters. Most are animal or human-like characters but my favourites are the more surreal choices like, Boiler Man of West Bromwich Albion and the angry looking sunburst, Kingsley, for Partick Thistle, both pictured below.

A green football field with a goal net and some fans in the stalls visible in the background. In the forefront is a person dressed in yellow trousers and a large mascot top which looks like a giant sunburst with a slightly angry cartoon like facial expression. It is holding a large red and yellow chequered flag and is giving the thumbs up with it's other hand. — Kingsley, the Partick Thistle mascot via ptfc.co.uk

A green football field with busy stalls filled with fans in the background. In the forefront is three mascots walking together, on the left is an orange dinosoar with a white shirt on holding a charity collection tin, in the middle is a white boiler with white arms and legs and red football trainers, on the right is an eagle with a white and navy blue striped football kit on. — Boiler Man mascot via thesun.com

A town square is visible in the background with some planting beds and hedges. In the forefront is a person dressed in yellow trousers and a large mascot top which looks like a giant sunburst with a slightly angry cartoon like facial expression. They are chasing four children who look like they are around eight or nine years old, they look excited and slightly scared to be chased at the same time. They are all wearing red and yellow Partick Thistle football kits. Their arms are flailing up in excitement as they run. — Kingsley, the Partick Thistle mascot via dailyrecord.co.uk

Head over to my studio to see some more mascot oddy-body memes I made, like the one at the top of the page.

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