Last week I experimented with filming myself drawing and redrawing the assessment chart. I tried to film in morning light as a way of bringing together two types of time and a link to ecologies (with a nod to Carolyn Lazard and Jade Montserrat). BUT I keep failing, I am not a film maker and the filming is out of focus, is too dark, doesn’t fit in the frame, stops before the end, also, because I am tired, I get up too late for the sun, my body aches from drawing this way and I have to stop repeatedly. It is incredibly frustrating but then I realise this is the process. This is the ridicularity and failure I am trying to embrace. And the rub against normative aesthetic, even architectural, desires to make it neat and tidy is palpable.

A blurry image of a chart of lines, numbers and letters drawn in black on a white background. Most of the image is in shadow with some patches of sunlight on the right which are white and tinged with yellow. The chart is composed of numbers that run from 1 to 62 and repeated letters AUOSRN. At the top there is some indistinguishable writing that appears to be a legend for the chart.
A blurry image of a chart of lines, numbers and letters drawn in black on a white background. Most of the image is in shadow with some patches of sunlight on the right which are white and tinged with yellow. The chart is composed of numbers that run from 1 to 62 and repeated letters AUOSRN. At the top there is some indistinguishable writing that appears to be a legend for the chart.
The image shows a video camera on a tripod pointing at a wall. Taped to the wall with masking tape is a large piece of paper. It has ripped edges and looks as if it was cut in a hurry. The wall behind is papered in woodchip wallpaper and painted with magnolia paint, the kind you find in a domestic bedroom, and the top of the wall has a faded decorative wallpaper border with repeating motifs. The paper contains a hand-drawn chart or grid filled with handwritten text and heavy black lines written in deep black charcoal, making much of the content obscured. Across the top are handwritten notes defining letters, including 'A = always, U = usually,' 'O = often,' 'S = sometimes,' and 'R = rarely.' The camera’s fold-out screen displays a close-up view of a hand drawing on the grid. Black plastic sheets cover furniture or stored items beneath the wall.
The image shows a video camera on a tripod pointing at a wall. Taped to the wall with masking tape is a large piece of paper. It has ripped edges and looks as if it was cut in a hurry. The wall behind is papered in woodchip wallpaper and painted with magnolia paint, the kind you find in a domestic bedroom, and the top of the wall has a faded decorative wallpaper border with repeating motifs. The paper contains a hand-drawn chart or grid filled with handwritten text and heavy black lines written in deep black charcoal, making much of the content obscured. Across the top are handwritten notes defining letters, including ‘A = always, U = usually,’ ‘O = often,’ ‘S = sometimes,’ and ‘R = rarely.’ The camera’s fold-out screen displays a close-up view of a hand drawing on the grid. Black plastic sheets cover furniture or stored items beneath the wall.

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