I can’t be there for the first residency meeting. I talk to Jamie about how sad I am about this: that I can’t even meet the requirements of the residency from day one. We say of course that is ok, and I think about my studio text which says that I am embracing failure during this residency, but I still find it difficult to reconcile with the normative structures I have internalised.

This situation makes me think about my drawing ‘(Un)Productive Spatialisations’ which I made in 2022 to highlight the work to get to make work. I am not in the same place as I was when I made this diagram, which tracks the granular choices a ‘sick’ bodymind makes to get to make work; to be in public, but it resonates with me now in a different way as I work with my sister to care for my mum. All the hidden labour that goes into living is in my mind and how this affects bodyminds in different ways – whether it’s the work of the ‘sick’ body, or the work to make work, or the work to care for someone else’s needs – all of which disproportionately affect those bodyminds whose needs aren’t seamlessly met by the environment around them.

I am grateful that Jamie says it’s fine that I can’t make it, and I viscerally relearn Alison Kafer’s critical aspect of crip time: that it’s more than fine to meet the day, the residency, the work as you are, rather than bend your body and mind to meet the clock, in fact, it’s fundamental.

I’ve included the audio description of the diagram by Char Heather as this is something I would like to explore more of during the residency. It’s an excerpt from a longer description which was written and recorded by Char for the project Public S/Pacing at Bloc Projects, Sheffield in 2024.