A Breath Holds Itself (Together), 2024

Audio described film >

birdsong and deep breathing

gentle inhale

and exhale

soft inhale

*kiss*

fumble rustle

dry leaves flame-crackle and a deep inhale

*kiss*

a heavy breath falls away

birds continue chirping

fingers whisper dry twinkle

a soft, noiseless breathing

*kiss*

breath falls from the mouth, wide

tinker crinkle

deep inhale

*soft kiss*

air leaves a breath in the throat

birdsong and a pale inhale

*kiss*

an exhale surrenders

 quiet, loose rustle and a deep inhale

*soft kiss*

heavy exhale

a heavy exhale

faint rustle, reaching and slow inhale

*kiss*

a breath, falling

birdsong continues, children play in the distance

a dry rustle-crunch fiddling and a gentle inhale

*kiss*

breath billows, a loud cloud

a slow inhale pulls

*kiss*

a close exhale

birds cooing

a breath falls gently

an outdoor quiet as children distantly chatter

a wood pigeon coos in rhythmic summertime

the chatter of birds and tumble of children outdoors

*peck*

soft exhale

drawing a colourless breath

*kiss*

a mouth releases ribcage

glad breathing, relaxed and easy

the gentlest flicker

*soft kiss*

soft exhale

deep inhale

*lips kiss*

an un-silent breath inhales

*kiss-peck*

deep inhale

*peck*

small breath

birdsong and children’s chatter

deep inhale

a heavy sigh

deep inhale

a soft sigh

birds continue chirping

breath falls in and out, the body a rhythm of untroubled drag on the world

birds continue in chirrup

Audio of text

About the work

A Breath Holds Itself (Together)

Bella Milroy, July 2024
Filmed by J. Sargeant
Edited by Leonie Rousham
Filmed in the artist’s home and at their studio-allotment rose garden

This work attempts to use the fragmentation found in sickness as a way of extending the experience of place; garden, home, bed, body. Here, the petals of a rose emerge in the shape of a dog’s silken fur, and the tenderness of being held by one’s own pillow takes the form of falling headfirst into a rose garden in July. Instead of stand-ins or substitutes, it is the sick-intimacy with the things that surround us (both animate and inanimate) that allows for them to take on equivalency with one another. If a rose can be a dog can be a pillow can be a garden can be a breath, how else might the boundaries of our bodies muddy, soften and tangle?

Accompanying this film is a poetry-based transcription of the ambient sounds of a body in a garden. Using the methodology of image description and closed caption writing (a disability justice approach to art-writing), sound is enhanced via an embodied translation of breath, scent and landscape.

Building on the body of work created throughout this residency period, exploring core principles of my current practice – ungardening, process, sick-intimacy and a re-embodied disembodiment – this work moves to imagine the sick body as a place beyond singular location. Forever in pursuit of a sense of vastness within the cramped, I am interested in how sickness can be experienced as the medium through which I reach out and touch the world around me; an expansion of place as well as the constriction of it. These are the tools that allow me to find a presence with my garden. It is a garden that is made for my absence, and my absence is something that holds more than a missing body.

Special thanks to the Vital Capacities team for making this residency and the creation of this work such a nourishing and accessible creative experience. In making this film, I had fantastic editorial support from Leonie Rousham which was facilitated by Vital Capacities. This support enabled me to make in ways I haven’t done before, and I feel fortunate to have had this opportunity to invest in my practice in such a generative and enjoyable way.