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I am granting myself permission.
Video 1: my reflections unfold in realtime.
video 2: my reflections are voiced.
My reflections – full text – below
I am contemplating my blog posts on this platform.
I am wanting to grant myself PERMISSION to use this blog space for REFLECTION.
In order to REFLECT I feel I need some SLOWING DOWN, RESTING, PAUSING time…to ALLOW my mind, heart, body etc. to RELAX, LET GO + BE.
And to do that I need to grant myself PERMISSION…
- I need to grant myself PERMISSION…
- I need to grant myself PERMISSION…
- I need to grant myself PERMISSION…
I hereby grant Rebekah Ubuntu, (aka me, myself and I), permission to…
- SLOW DOWN, REST, PAUSE…
I hereby grant Rebekah Ubuntu, (aka me, myself and I), permission to…
- ALLOW my mind, heart, body etc. to RELAX, LET GO + BE.
I think a lot about how resting, reflecting and repose are all about permission.
I feel conflicted about work and rest. Like the two oppose each other and lead to a sense of dissatisfaction.
To reflect, requires repose, pause, slowing down.
Yet, the pace with which I have been enculturated, I’d say from the age of five or so, is so fast. It’s a constant busy-ness for the sake of busy-ness type feeling. And it has shaped the way I conceive of most, if not all things, including my own sense of intrinsic value.
The issue I am already confronting (for the sake of this residency) is:
I don’t know HOW to really REST if it isn’t about SLEEPING, NAPPING or RESTING to RECOVER from an illness or fatigue. I don’t feel a sense of embodied understanding around a NATURAL STATE of REST.
For example, I am always thinking…about what’s next. What’s next for this blog, what’s next for this project or that, what’s next for my career, what’s next for my life…
I am choosing to free write – and record it as it’s happening. I guess I want to remove my tendencies towards PERFECTIONISM which I think is linked to this sense I have of NEEDING PERMISSION to REST.
Like I need PERMISSION to SLOW DOWN.
So recording myself write this, removes the self-censoring, self-editing, self-criticism and allows for an acceptance of what is.
Rebekah, this work you are doing resonates with me so hard!
It’s such a brilliant and important question that you are investigating. I am looking forward to reading and seeing what unfolds for you on your journey towards rest and reflection.
I think I will certainly be trailing after you, following the path you might uncover, looking for a place to rest and reflect.
Kruse, thank you so much! I am incredibly grateful for your generosity and for sharing the resonances this post has for you. I am also looking forward to experiencing what unfolds for all of us here and beyond. Thank you also for your lovely contributions yesterday in our group gathering. Such a healing portal and you were a fundamental part of that. From one neuro-divergent/emergent person to another – I see and appreciate you!!! xxx