An image with a white background, black text in a block on the top left and bottom right. Top right is a small image of a virtual performance at the opening of the Euros football league. Performed in a black virtual stadium filled with blue twinkly lights, on a stage are two real human performers, one is a man holding a guitar wearing all black on the left and on the right a man wearing all black playing a piano. Floating above them is the large blue cgi head of Bono, the lead singer of the band u2, he is wearing glasses and his head is made up of small dotty drifting blue and white lights. Bottom left is another blue cgi image of a large group of people stood in rows in the stadium, their are bright stadium lights shining around them, they are all wearing black trousers and baggy tshirts that have a symbol on them of a heart with a cross inside. They looks like some kind of cult. The text reads:  In a week when sculpted spam legs run out onto the field in polyester shorts and socks pulled high exchange nervous glances.
When Ronaldo switched coke for water and reminded us once again how valuable these sporting bodies really are.
And the pundit described the socially distanced fever dream flag balloon opening ceremony as 'solemn but celebratory' while an army of blue people with crosses on their tshirts slowly disappeared one by one off our screens like an apocalyptic mass exodus to another planet. When the silver surfer twisted and turned above the pitch to the soundtrack of bono's giant cgi bonce floating above it like an evil spirit, like Casper the friendly ghost's cringelord Dad, our 'post pandemic' overseer, singing 'We are the People', whatever the fuck that means. I thought, it's no wonder I've got a fucking migraine BUT At least football might be coming home and at least it wasn't A Beautiful fucking Day.

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